you wonder
why I choose North

always North
closer to
Freezing point

the cold earth balled
in your hand
held out
cupped
just over the surface

crumbles and scatters

why does one choose
this way or that?

down
in the dirt, soft and black
just below the surface
pine needles
anonymous.

up here
North
just inside the tree line

(what better way to go...)

animal esque
untelevised

undocumented
down in the dirt

looking up
the pines needle skyward,
triumphant, trumpeting

and
(any notice will be given
as a distant afterthought)

Olive,
Alhambra,
Westminster, yes
this is familiar
this I've seen in the night
it will take me through
confusion and turns
but the beach is West
Sun's Northish
for now
this way, steady
should find me home.

phoned from L.A.
nothing wrong at home
except
boys being swallowed up
by lakes
all-permeating sense of despair
brought on by
consistent freezing, thawing
refreezing of vital organs
with no land visible
buoyancy failing
the pallor of skin
takes on a deeper
shade of blue

watching cars
line up, a quarter
mile
that one - there
with the broken headlight
will be the last through
before yellow,
red
file in line
again

Explosions of yellow, red and white,
hang suspended in the sky
on the earth's distant rim
then flicker, and die.
We take off
lights expanding their luminosity
in the weight of purple fog.
Flying East,
Independence Day,
we are bid farewell
by starbursts,
then constellations.

Uprooted from sleep,
sprung from bed in mid-night
to sounds of scratching
in the bathroom.

Reminded of thin walls,
plastic boxes- drywall.
Opossoms beneath the tub,
begging for entry, warmth.

When other animals
stray cats
find the hole in the side
of the foundation,

They are confronted with
beady eyes,
ratlike face and tail,
and sharp claws.

That is what wakes me
in the early hours,
fighting, vicious fighting
under our bathroom floor.

Foreign screams and hollow cries-
a wild frenzy.
In the morning, I wake
and put my pants on,
by then, the fray has subsided.

I cannot show you that I’m hungry
because you might see it as a sign
of weakness and attack me.
You are the Beta wolf,
guard your throat.

I cannot let you see
that I’m awake, though you can sense
changes in my breathing.
Your face is mere inches from
mine.

I cannot let you own me,
bring you water, food your bowl.
You size me up,
don’t you?
You may live longer than I.

I cannot match your wit,
though I do not know your thoughts.
Even after years alone
you catch my eye,
my ghost wilts away.